some circle of life thoughts

What a joy to have all of the Val Benincosa family here for a few days. Toys everywhere, towels in every room, toothbrushes in all bathrooms, food tucked in every place on the kitchen counters, high chairs, low chairs, pool toys, sliding down the pool slide, someone(s) actually swimming in the pool, jacuzzi filled to capacity...until the poop floated...was a joy to make my heart smile. I loved it all. My true occupation (which has been re-invented...again...)of Grandmother came into full swing.
Now that life has come to a lull and everyone's gone to work and the house is still and no grandchildren are there to cuddle...I reflect. I am now with my own thoughts. Alone. Unemployed. Sad. There is so much to do now. Here. In this house. So much to "work on". But, I liked the other life of last week. Perhaps because I feel needed. Wanted. Exhaustion when I hit the pillow at night and didn't wake up until morn. It was good then.
Now it's time to re-invent myself again. Student. Mother to older children. Quieter. Urge alone. Motivate. Prod. Submerse. Hmmm...Reflect.
I thank the Lord for families. Not quite sure about the trials. We've had enough of those this past 6 mos. to seemingly last a life time or two. Maybe on the "other side" I will see the blessings from those trials. But, I know I'm not alone. It's just that many people are closed-mouthed about their life events. If I am quiet...will the trial disappear? Or, would sharing help me..really?
I went to my jewelry box to pick out a necklace today and discovered a few things that my mother had given me throughout the years. Sweet. Pretty. Treasured more than ever...now that she passed from this life in May. During her last years she didn't give presents anymore, or money, or baked birthday cakes like she always used to do. She didn't even remember the special days much until we told her about them and handed her a gift or a piece of dessert.
As she grew older, her gifts became quirky. Our children would look at their special mailed surprise from her, and stare at me. They didn't know what they should think. It was actually very cute. She was giving, they were receiving and the bond of "grandmotherhood" grew even closer. I think of the "granny panties" that were given to our girls and have to chuckle each time that memory comes to mind. I wonder if she had nothing else to give and gave her gifts, passed them on, to let her special grandkids know how much she really did love them.
Towards the later years, when she still lived in the mobile home, she would cry when we left to travel back home. She never used to do that. Perhaps she had a glimpse of what was to come. Or, maybe not.
She was my example. She was my Mother. She is my childrens' Grandmother. Now, I know some of the things she went through when she saw the tail-lights of her families drive out of the community gates to go to their prospective homes.
She never told me her feelings. She never prepared me for this. I remember her wise words one time..."Mom, why didn't you tell me there would be days like this?" She replied, "Because honey, if I did...you'd never do it."